Your later teenage years and early twenties can be a confusing time, not only are you expected to make decisions about which courses to take at school, whether to start a job, training course or go into higher education, but you are also expected to cope with understanding relationships and sex.
For many young people with M.E., even going out socially to meet others is beyond the limits of the illness. However if you do have a sexual relationship with a partner, maintaining a level of intimacy when you have M.E. can be really difficult.
Issues about sex and relationships highlighted by young people with M.E:
- Asking for advice or talking about your concerns: It may seem like the cringeiest thing to do, but if you can get beyond any embarrassment, it will almost certainly help to talk to someone such as your friend, parents or relative about your concerns or to ask advice. You might find it easier to ask someone you don't know, in which case check out the organisations in our useful links.
- Getting out when you're recovering: You may have a challenge on your hands with your parents/ carers when you feel you are making a recovery and want to start having a relationship. Parents/ carers can be really concerned that you will make yourself worse again and will be worried for you. Try and talk through the issues and find a compromise you both agree on.
- Isolated and lack confidence: If you have been affected by M.E. you may lack the confidence to start a relationship. Finding out more information about relationships and sex could be a first step. Check out the organisations in our useful links.
- Talk to your partner: The best way to prevent the build up of anxiety and bad feeling within a relationship is to talk openly about how you are feeling and what your needs and limits are. This can be difficult when you are just getting to know someone, but it's essential if you are going to build a sound relationship. It doesn't all have to be serious, make sure you have a laugh about it too; it can often lighten the situation.
- Pacing: As with other lifestyle activities, don't forget to pace your socialising, your relationship and sex. All these activities can put a strain on your energy levels so make sure you factor in rest times to recover.
- Taking medication: Some medication you might be taking for your M.E. symptoms eg. Antidepressants can lead to a loss of libido (desire to have sex). Don't stop taking your medication; talk to your doctor if this has become an issue for you.
- Passion killers: M.E. symptoms such as fatigue, pain, headaches and cramps can all contribute to preventing you relaxing enough to enjoy a sexual relationship. Talking with your partner, finding imaginative ways to deal with the symptoms and having a laugh about the solutions you come up with, can all reduce the frustrating pressures and anxieties.
- Don't forget the risks: Having M.E. doesn't change any of the normal risks associated with sex. If you don't use a condom you are still at risk of getting a sexually transmitted infection, or getting pregnant. Make sure you understand these risks. Check our useful links for more information.
Your rights
- You have the right to say no to sex or any attention that you do not want.
- It is legal for men and women to have sex once they are 16 (known as the age of consent) if you live in England, Wales, Scotland or the Channel Islands. If you live in Northern Ireland, the legal age is 17.
- In May 2004 the law in England and Wales will state that the age of consent to any form of sexual activity for men and women will be 16. It will be a criminal offence for anyone over the age of 10 to have any sexual activity with a girl or boy under the age of 16.
- Gay sex is legal if you're both 16 or over in England, Wales and Scotland. In Northern Ireland it's 17. In Jersey the legal age is 18.
- You are entitled to confidential advice services about sex and relationships even if you are under 16.
If you are worried or concerned about anything to do with sexual relationships, or just want to find out more information, please contact one of the organisations in useful links.
Information produced April 2004
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